My dad died when I was 12 years old – and everything changed. The grief was deep but we continued our lives with my mom and my little sister. I felt like I was left alone with my grief. Alcohol became  my comforter at an early  age.

I found  my way  to a boxing gym and my coach  became  an important father figure to me. I was impressed  by the atmosphere of the boxing gym and I trained hard. I found  my way to extract  the pain I felt. I got a good self-esteem back. I won men's Finnish championship twice but my career ended as early as 21 years of age.

Work, boxing and drinking made me exhausted. I lost my ability to control my drinking as early as 17 years old. The emptiness and restlessness made me seek happiness everywhere. Nothing was enough . The fear of losing made me to avoid all responsibilities. I was a coward even though  I was a boxer. I was afraid of love because there was the risk of losing.

Finally I got married  and became a father. I still couldn’t  stop drinking alcohol. I left my loved  ones many  times. I started to hate myself more and more. My willpower was not strong enough. All my decisions to change were just empty talk.

However, the day came when I had to face the truth.

There was no longer retreat. Otherwise I would lose everything. Giving up was the worst thing I knew. At least I thought so.

I confessed powerlessness in relation to my life. God touched  me and gave  the desire to sobriety. That happened  in August  2000.

Soon I noticed that sobriety wasn’t enough. I felt mentally dead and dirty. The deepest longing was to be forgiven. I thought  it would be impossible. I thought  that the kind of personality did not exist, who could  love a person like me – if he could really see inside my mind.

I was wrong again. Jesus is exactly that kind of person. He came to seek sinners, of whom I was the greatest. He came to look for the one who was lost and He came to give us a bounteous life. I heard  the gospel of our Saviour’s death, resurrection and I felt that He lives. I realized that I could not be saved even though I would never drink a drop. I would still be a sinner on my way to hell without Jesus. Merely a good life does not save me.

I gave my life to Jesus in February 2nd  2002. After the baptism I was filled  with the Holy Spirit and I finally got a friend that I had longed for my whole life. I wasn’t alone anymore. It is amazing to experience the love of God. It felt so good to forgive everyone – and myself, which was the hardest part. This didn’t happen overnight.

With Jesus I survived  over hard days. His power and grace has not run out. I know where I’m going.

Jesus fulfills the longing also today and will certainly take you to your destination. Eternal life has already begun.