The toughest limit in my life was God.
The most difficult thing to understand is that there are fences around you, which limit your life. Some of us just blast off professionally holding their limits like holding a fence. I don’t know what about you… but I hate the limits. At a moment I realized that the toughest limit in my life was God.
In my family there were often discussions about God… sometimes too exaggerated. And this always made me angry. I was so angry that I couldn’t understand why God wants people to be limited in pleasures. At that moment, I was in general school when all the energy I had bedeviled me and I was feeling like my energy was placed in a box. In the Christianism’s box. Even so, each time when I was aware that a punishment was waiting for me home for the mischief that I had done, I was always making promises to God on my way home. My promises sounded like: “Lord, if you help me to get out of this situation I will serve you all my life”. This promise for me was like a sacrifice but a sacrifice, which God needed.
Usually I was feeling pangs of conscience because I couldn’t keep my promises. That’s why I was always thinking that I would certainly do it but later when I would be older so I could enjoy my life then.
I want you know that I was never thinking about God’s existence. Because it was obvious, that somebody created this world if you look around. It was something totally different to understand what this God was. The Bible was not the book that attracted me to read it. Therefore, I was waiting for my old age to discover God.
Just God has beautiful plans for us, people, comparing to our limited dreams. It happened that I met people in my life that it wasn’t a coincidence for sure. And these people were always telling me about God. Even if was used to go to the church when I was a little girl I couldn’t understand that joy that they had in their hearts when they were talking about God. Of course, I couldn’t understand that because I didn’t have that in my heart.
The university years came very fast and I realized that I needed new friends. My older sisters were volunteering in a Christian organization when they were students. I really liked volunteering that’s why I decided to make new friends there but so that nobody knew that I had different values in my life.
However, they captured me very fast with their energy, with their relationships and the most interesting thing... they weren’t limited. It seemed like something was wrong with them. During one break, I realized that I was complaining to one of those girls about God. I was hiding that dissatisfaction deep in my heart because I considered myself a Christian. Surprisingly, she started to talk with me about elementary things from Bible. She said that I could have a relationship with Jesus if I could acknowledge that I need Him, if I asked Him to forgive my sins and invite Him in my life like a Lord. She said that Jesus came so could have life in abundance. Actually, I knew all these things but when she told me those things, it was like her words were so strong. I started to cry involuntarily and I ran into a different room so nobody could see how weak I was.
In that room was so quiet and I started to think about what I had just heard, about all the things I knew about Jesus… those things which I knew theoretically but I didn’t want them to touch my heart so they could not limit me doing what I wanted to do. But the life of that girl changed because I was believing and she was feeling so great. Next, I decided to read the New Testament and pray Jesus to forgive me for my thought and help me to accept Him in my life. Step by step, that empty place from my soul began to fill and I felt that emotion when God is your Savior and I was His. I was feeling that all my documents were in order.
At that moment I understood that those limits which I was so scared of, were actually God’s care for me. By time those limits lost their sense because now there is no place in my heart for them. My heart is full with Jesus.
Hmmm... so strange. How much a sign of acceptance and faith can do!