“Lonely? Me, who was always surrounded by others? No, I was not familiar with. Or is it…?“

Until I was 18 years old, I had hardly or never been involved with the Christian faith because at home I was not raised with the faith. Only at the Christian regular primary school that I attended, I have heard the familiar Bible stories. Because of this I had built up a foundation; when I was feeling sad in my bed as a child, I prayed to Someone “up there”, because I hoped that Someone would hear me. But at that time I didn’t know that it would be God…

Believing in God and Jesus Christ slowly changed when my brother himself came to believe. I was still skeptical about the faith, because I still had some essential life questions, such as:

“If God is so good, why is there war in the world?“ 

And: “Then why do I have this physical disability that I have from birth, and therefore I am always using an power wheelchair?“ 

And other life questions…

But I did feel that I couldn’t always be skeptical about that. So when the opportunity arose, during a good conversation with my brother I asked these questions, and other things that were on my mind, to him.

What I did not realize then is that the Christian faith means a relationship with God, who loves us and wants the best for us. Believing in God was the start of the most beautiful relationship for me. A relationship with Him. It was actually the beginning of a new life for me.

How someone experiences this or notices it differs per person. Some notice an immediate difference. Others are growing more slowly into this Christian faith. That happened to me. In a process of growth I experienced that the deep loneliness I felt inside (of not being understood, not being seen by others) has disappeared. God has filled the deep void in me with His love.

But how do you know if you are in a relationship with God? One of the things that you know for sure is the Word of God. There are many promises in the Bible. At the beginning of my relationship with God, these promises helped me a lot when I struggled with my chronic tiredness and deep loneliness:

“He gives strength to the wearyand increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.“

– Isaiah 40: 29-31

“(Jesus said : ) ‘Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.’”

– Matthew 11: 28-30 (Basic Bible)

When someone comes to faith, God’s Holy Spirit comes to dwell in him or her. There are two sides to the work of the Holy Spirit in us that help us to be sure of our faith in Jesus Christ.

Firstly, He changes us from the inside out. He makes our character more and more like that of Jesus. This is called “the fruit of the Spirit”. Some of the characteristics of this “fruit” include love, peace, kindness and patience. When the Holy Spirit comes to dwell in us, this “fruit” begins to grow. Things will start to change in our character that are noticeable to other people but this does not happen overnight. In addition to the changes in our character, changes in our relationships will also have to become noticeable, both in the relationship with God and with other people. A new love for God, the Father, Jesus, the Son and the Holy Spirit grows in us. Our attitude towards other people also changes. Compassion for people who often look sad and lonely for example.

Ever since I was a kid, I was very fond of animals. Mainly mammals, small and large. I knew almost all mammals. I wanted to know all about it! This love for animals has always remained with me. But in the period after secondary school I focused more on children of primary school age. My love for them was very present with me. That’s why I wanted to do something with it, in the form of volunteer work or something like that.

Until  then I had nothing to do with adults or working with people. But over time, the Holy Spirit slowly changed my character. I got more and more love for people who are not seen or heard by others. People who are left out, so to speak. Since then I love to work for these people with all my heart. I have been able to work for and with people who have little to no social network and with people who have fled their own country.

And secondly, in addition to these changes which are noticeable in our lives, the Holy Spirit also brings an inner experience of God. He gives us the deep personal conviction that we are children of God. This experience is different for everyone.

At the beginning of my story about the search for God, I started with a good conversation with my brother about the Christian faith. From there it started to discover who God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are to me.

A few years later, I was so convinced of my faith that I wanted to be baptized (because I did not grow up with the Christian faith, I was not baptized yet). And I wanted to let everyone know that I believe in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. It’s called the confession.

But… But I did not realize yet that I believed from my mind…

Years later, after my baptism and confession, the Holy Spirit allowed me to experience inner experiences in which I had to remove the inner layers that were inside me, so eventually my faith reached from my mind to my heart. (Think of an onion, which also has several layers. You have to peel off layer by layer until you get to the heart of the onion.)

And a few years later, the Holy Spirit assured me that I am God’s child, His beloved daughter …

Although I have known deep loneliness in my life, I no longer experience loneliness; God assures me through His Holy Spirit that He is always with me every day of my life!

Do you have any questions about me and my story? Or do you want to talk to me about faith? Do not hesitate, and send me a message! 🙂