Eight times on my own and lonely
With a high fever I sank into my bed, folded my arms over my head and slowly started to cry. A deep loneliness filled me up. A loneliness that told me that nobody was interested in me. I was too weak to call somebody for help. I was too tired to confide in anybody about my big emptiness inside of me. I was lying there, still with my folded army over my head and knew that my only friend was loneliness. In my helplessness I cried out to God, because only a supernatural power could help me. I needed somebody to be with me. Then a warm pleasant feeling filled my heart and it felt like God was saying to me: “I am here.”
When I was 8 years old I moved from one corner in Switzerland to the other. Just as I was getting to know friends at school, I had to leave everything and move with my family to a place where I was a stranger. My whole life the theme of “moving away” was present. Every time I had to leave my home and start again. Eight times I had to move and change the place I live.
Four years ago, I moved close to Zurich all on my own and I became sick. Because of the fever, I could barely take care of myself. In that moment I felt that nobody would notice if I didn’t get up anymore. But then God told me that he is here and I felt a deep peace in me.
I experienced what it means to be alone and to have God that gives me calm and peace in the middle of my loneliness. He filled out my loneliness and was at my side. He was with me and knew what I was going through and how I felt.
Since then I know that God is always at my side. Even now there are moments when I feel lonely. Yes, there are situations where I feel I am alone and I can’t change the circumstances. But then I hear this voice telling me: “I am here.” No matter what I go through or in what kind of situation I find myself. The firm assurance that I am not on my own gives me peace. God tells me, time and time again: “Tamara, I am here. I see you and I have everything under control.”
I know that God is telling YOU today: “I am here.”