...the pressure was almost intolerable as I stood in front of the 3 professors who would be deciding about my future. Nervously I swallowed hard, and then I had to start.

HANGING BY A THIN THREAD

I had invested three and a half years of my life into my university education and now everything was at a tipping point. I was at the end of my studies and all depended on my final thesis, which was indispensable to receive my diploma.

Although I’d had enough time to prepare and usually didn’t have much difficulties academically, all was hanging by a thin thread and it was my own fault. The written part of my final thesis had already been graded as “insufficient” and the only chance for me to graduate was to catch up through my oral presentation.

So I stepped into the exam room where my professors were waiting for me and mustered me from head to toe. They sat there expectantly while I set up and knew that a lot was depending on the next half hour.

Despite that all, I was still somehow composed and surprisingly calm.

„…YOU SAW ME BEFORE I WAS BORN“

Deep down I knew that I was not a accident. I knew to be true what is written in the Bible:

(Psalm 139)

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!

Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

Maybe I didnt know HOW this whole story would continue,  but I was sure, THAT it would continue, and that God already knew how it would continue. Even if I should fail this final oral exam, God WOULD carry me thorugh and lead me on.

In the end I did pass my exam scoring one of the best grades in my year. I am convinced that it wasn’t my accomplishment but God’s grace. He walked with me this way. I understand grace as an undeserved gift just like the offer that Jesus makes to every single one of us. (See “The Message”)

GOD INVESTS IN ME

Even nowadays I often I reach my limits or botch something up by my own fault. But especially in my own messing up and in my pain I experience how Jesus comforts me, carries me and bails me out. He invests in me. My relationship with him gives me a perspective and a security that gives me a certain lightness as well as purpose and identity. :)

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