The Believing Unbeliever
No one would've really expected it; I was a proactive church-goer who was always ready to lend a helping hand, who is almost perpetually in church, who participated in almost every church avtivity, who's even gone for pilgrimages, etc. And yet, why is it that I find myself doubting, unbelieving... unseeing?
Heck, I was even unsure of the existence of God- what if everything that had happened was merely a coincidence? What if we were all fools to believe in something that wasn't there? What if the bible was written by psychos and the disillusioned? After all, the only thing that we had to support any of this were words; and people still use words to lie.
Just because I was born Catholic doesn't mean that I really knew stuff; I mean really, no offence, but no one really listens in Sunday School. In short, it's boring and I'd honestly rather be sleeping than be there at all.
I guess the point that I'm trying to make here is that it's okay to doubt; and though I may not have a solid reason to why I still bother to go to church or participate in youth ministry... I believe in what my parents believe, and if they do believe in the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church, if they believe in the Ressurection of Jesus Christ, the Ascension of Mother Mary, the communion of saints... everything... they must have a reason.
And it is for this reason, despite it being unknown, that I will try to believe. And this is the real reason why I'm here today, speaking about my testimony to go to World Youth Day.
I want to know. I want to feel. I want to believe. And I hope that this is what I will achieve by the end of it. And if you too, have troubles believing, I would be honoured to try to help you through it as I struggle with my own, because I know how it feels to not know what you're doing and the purpose- I understand it, and I want to help you find your reason to believe, too.