I had hatred and fear in my life and it led almost everything I did. It was because of something terrible what had happened in my home when I was child. 

As a 4-year-old boy I prayed for the first time in my life, “God, if you exist, please take me away from here, I don´t want to live any longer!”

Why on earth I prayed that?

My father was a hard worker, but his experience in the Second World War as a soldier and sniper had left deep scars in his memory. 

In the evenings he drank alcohol, which made him aggressive. There was violence at home where my father often tried to attack our family, especially my mother.

I was always afraid of dying and afraid for my mother. But my mom had told me something about God and heaven and I wished that I could die soon and go to heaven because it was better there. 

As a teenager, I was filled with hate and it led my mind.

Then my best friend gave his life to Jesus. It was a shock that he was not any more like before. And he told me from Bible that Jesus was the mediator, the bridge between us and God. Finally I understood that I´m not in that bridge to heaven but I want to be there. 

Later I met born-again Christians at my boarding school. Late one night, as I went to my room, I heard these words in my heart, “Markku, today or never.” I understood that it was my hour and my opportunity. At the same time, something interesting became clear to me: 

I had prayed in the situations when I was afraid of my father. And I really got help from God. He gave me still possibility to live and my father couldn´t kill us. 

Why God still helped me again and again even I still turned my back to God so many times. I understood that God loves me so much! This love of Jesus broke my hard shell that night. 

I prayed, “Here I am, please forgive me for everything, Jesus, I want to follow You.” After that, I knew immediately that I was on the way to heaven and was no longer condemned to hell. 

I also experienced a strong peace and forgivenes in my heart. I felt that I should forgive my father even though he didn’t change at all. Yet I could love him for the first time in my life and I didn´t have hatred and bitterness in my life any more. 

I have seen how Jesus has changed my life and I know that he has great plan to your life too. 

Please don´t hesitate to write to me and we can speak more.