Jonathan van den Helder

Groningen, Netherlands

Rejection is absence of confirmation

If you really know me, you would know that I grew up with a lot of rejection and little confirmation in my life. Now I have discovered that God wants to confirm who I am and thereby accepts and confirms me.

Step by step

After secondary school I did a gap year. Then I discovered that I grew up with rejection and lack of confirmation. For years I had unconsciously hidden my pain and my (negative) emotions from self-protection. Pain of seven years being bullied at two primary schools and a secondary school. Why? Because I was a silent and quiet boy. An easy target. In addition, I grew up in a not very close family and thereby I did not receive enough love to feel confirmed and safe. But that changed in that gap year. I got back my emotions completely from God and step by step I healed from the pain and fear of rejection.

Trial and error

Now six years (2014) later. I am still learning every day that I'm okay, that I may be the way I am as God created and wanted me. Sometimes I'm still looking for approval from others, and I am unsure of myself. For example, I feel rejected because I made a mistake or I get negative feedback. Fortunately, I have people around me who point me to God. My wife, my friends and my parents accept me for who I am. So I'm learning that I'm okay by God and my loved ones.

Your step

Step by step, you can discover who you are and that you are okay just as you are. I challenge you to take a step. Find someone who you trust. Your spouse. A good friend or someone you know well. Or contact me if you do not know anyone or know no one. Tell your story and let yourself be confirmed by him/her and above all by God.

The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. – Zephaniah 3:17

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