Jodi Grant

Running From God

I am a wife and mom with 7 kids.  I grew up Catholic my whole life.  I knew God loved me in a personal way from the time I was in gr 8.  But I have spent a lot of my life running from God and His love for me.  Even taking the quiet time that I've needed to to think and pray about what I would share here, I tried to avoid it and I ran.  Why? Because I was worried about what I would find in the silence.  When it comes time to just be silent and listen to God speak to me, I run away.  I've never had a reason to distrust God, when I do take the time to sit and be quiet with Him I'm never disappointed that I spent the time with Him.  I just don't want to give Him the chance to speak to the quiet of my heart, I guess for 2 reasons: first, because of the muck I know He'll find there; second, because of what He might ask me to do with it.  It's much easier to fill my life with the noise of the world...well, my world has 7 kids in it!  Haha. But the other noise, too.  The distractions of reading blogs, watching videos on YouTube, checking in on social media, listening to music, you name it.  So often in a day I'll turn to my phone to fill me up, rather than going to my Beloved: The One Who made me, Who knows me better than I know myself, and Who loves me more than I'll ever understand. So even though I've been on this walk with the Lord for a long time, I still need to put myself aside and return to my Father and just let Him love me, and tell me I am His own.  And when He sees the muck, He gently helps me remove it.  I need to remind myself of that all the time:  that He loves me so much that He doesn't want me to stay in the muck I'm in.  He has  been persistent in showing me that He desires to be in a relationship with me my whole life.  My response is not always to run to Him in prayer.  But when I do I'm able to hear His call to me to know Him, love Him and serve Him. I hope and pray that you'll give Him the chance today, to speak to you in the quiet of your heart, and not be afraid of what He'll find there.  He's a Father Who loves you.  God bless you.

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