I was born into a God fearing family with ties to freemasonry and Christianity. My grandfather and uncle were both ministers with Assembly of God churches. My father was a hard working man who did everything he could for his family and instilled in my sibling and I a strong work ethic.

 I was a kind hearted child, I loved hard and felt it defined who I was but I was also very naive. Even around all that support the devil loves to mingle. I was sexually abused at age 3 by my sibling, he was several years older and much stronger than I was, easily able to overpower me and he knew I was afraid of him after that. I was so confused by what had happened but I was more afraid of him hurting me if I said anything. So I kept it hidden for most of my life and lived in fear of him. Later in life he got into black magic and that really pushed the rift further between us as that was the polar opposite of what my heart believed.  My mother told me as a child that I was supposed to be a girl, she had already had a son and wanted a daughter but instead she got me. She even told me the name she had picked out for her daughter. I never felt good enough in her eyes after that and sometimes I still struggle with it. I lived in the shadow of others most of my life, it hurt me but I didn't let it change my kind heart as that was the only part of me I truly knew.

 I knew my mother would never take my side against the son she actually wanted so I could never tell her what he did to me. As I grew up I didn't understand puberty or sex, by age 7 I was already experimenting with girls my age. By age 11 I was smoking and trying drugs and age 12 I was addicted to porn and sex. During these teen years my grandparents were the only people I felt wanted me around, my grandfather used to tell me that God had great plans for my life. I was honestly scared by that because everyone else had plans too and those plans hurt me.  At 14 I stopped caring and embraced the life everyone told me I was destined for. Dropping out of high school at 16 and finding work I had no direction in life.

 I was raised in church and that allowed me to be around all sorts of ministers growing up. My youth minister sexually abused me at age 15, he would do it in front of my peers to make me feel worthless. Which in turn fueled their bullying of me when we were back at school. I went to a Christian school which was also my church. This youth minister would tell my parents I needed counseling and after school programs to cover up for his abuse and make me look like a troubled teen. My teachers told my parents I was sick and needed to be on medicine, they punished me every chance they got and gave me detention after class nearly everyday, they didn't like me and didn't want me influencing their kids. I had 1 friend my whole life let's call him L.  He and I were on demon time nonstop eventually landing us both in prison for 6 years by age 21. Prison was rough on me, I had to let go of my moral compass, turn my heart cold and become a monster to survive. I went in as a scared kid who just wanted someone to accept him, I had never been in trouble before that point in my life but I stood up and told the judge "You got me, I will accept my punishment". The judge made an example out of me giving me the max sentence which I served every day of.

 After prison I tried to change my life by going to church again, but I ended up losing sight of God again for lust. It was different now, I felt not in control of myself anymore, I had felt this way before when I was younger like someone else was driving. I started faking my way through life, living a series of fake lives on the internet because I had been in full hermit mode for 10 years. Telling everyone I was someone else just to be accepted at face value. This went on for close 6 years, I never left my home, rarely went outside. I was depressed and ready for death. Until sex addiction wasn't my only problem, the guilt from lying to people was destroying my heart. My hair started falling out, I lost weight rapidly, I started having panic attacks and fits of rage. Even while lying to people about who I was I loved them the best that I could. That was so confusing to me how I could care about them and also lie to their face. I tried to stop living this way so many times but for some reason I could not break free from it.  I was suicidal and begging God to kill me just so I could be free. I attempted suicide more than 10 times but something (God) always kept me alive. The last relationship I was in I effected so many different people with my lies, some of which happened to believe more along the lines of magic and black magic than how I believed. This bothered me greatly and I wanted to be free of it even more but felt even more trapped as I tried to leave.

 On Sept. 17th 2024 while outside getting high, I cried out to God and with tears in my eyes begged him to kill me. But God had other plans he changed my life in a bright flash of light. He broke my sex addiction and gave me a peace I had never felt before. When I say he broke it, I mean exactly that. I haven't looked at porn or thought about women negatively since and I haven't wanted to. My old life and ways disgusted me and I had no other option but to change. I walked away from that life and everyone in it, to follow Jesus and each day I learn new ways to open my heart more. What I needed in my life more than anything was someone to truly love me back and God had been waiting my whole life to do just that. God doesn't make mistakes, he makes plans. And they unfold in his timing and for his glory. Living for God isn't easy either, I struggle every single day. But the difference is my life is full, my heart content and my mind is focused, my whole life changed.