Looking at my title you may be wondering why I choose that but I feel it really fit me well. Growing up I was a cheerful child however it was only with my siblings and my mother. My dad was an alcoholic and I was a child that was not wanted by him. Hence, I was taken care of by my mother. My dad was around but he was not one to know how to show love and affection. Being a girl this affected me with regards to showing affection and being the woman I was created to be.
I became very boyish and not wanting my womanhood. I was the only one in the group of girlfriends who was a so called TOMBOY. There was a time in my life as well where I became confused about my sexuality and thought I was never liked by boys. Consequently, I became the only one without a boyfriend, yet I had so many friendships with persons of the opposite sex, and was very comfortable with them.
As I grew I changed, I became more of a woman but still had this inferiority complex that no man would ever like me for who I am because I was still boyish, I was outspoken, I was too fat, I was too independent, athletic and I was not one to be cute and submissive. This lead me looking for love in all the wrong places and faces. I resorted to over drinking alcohol, clubbing, throwing myself onto boys in the clubs and also using vulgarity to obtain love.
Still this longing for love was never satisfied. I did the same things week in and week out and still the emptiness and numbness was piercing my soul.
I have always been very active in church activities and was a Sunday going Catholic. Even during this whole DARK period of my life, church was still a priority. However, it was the faith of my mom and not mine. It was a routine and not a relationship. Until I was asked to be part of a single adult’s youth group at the Church of the Assumption, Malaysia and I was invited to join this session by a Malaysian bishop on the Prodigal Son.
I realized then, that God was real, He was not just someone that existeded far away. He was a very personal God and He wanted to love me for all that I was, the SINNER, the TOMBOY, the VULNERABLE and UNWANTED GIRL.
He called me back and called ME HIS PRECIOUS DAUGHTER.
Since then I have been having this awesome adventure of learning who this awesome God is and Who I AM in Him. He is my friend and companion, my water to my thirst, my joy and my peace, my consoler and healer, my creator and author of my life. According to my friends and family I have changed to be so much more of a beautiful person because of this relationship (inside and out).
This relationship with My Lord and Savior, has made me better in my vocation as a carer being a physical therapist to my patients, a better sister and friend. All in all there was never any loss, it was all a gain. Even until today I do not have a boyfriend, yet I do know that He knows all I want and need and I trust in His providence and time.
Psalms 37: 4 Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Yes there has been up’s and downs, I still fall back into my old habits sometimes, but God calls me back every time with open arms, and this PRODIGAL DAUGHTER runs back as GOD RUNS TO ME.
Look for this GOD of Love for He is all you need