He never left me
When I was 22, I contracted an STD caused by the herpes simplex virus in the first sexual relationship that I ever had and it changed my life forever! I went through a lot of physical suffering and emotional distress for almost two years. In a way, I'm glad I went through this, you want to know why? I met God.
Being raised in a Catholic home, we were taught to always keep to the commandments of the Lord through keeping to our Sunday obligations faithfully, attending Sunday school and even taking part in children and youth ministeries at a very young age. I began playing the organ for mass at the age of 10 and looking back, I still have my scores written for the responsorial psalms that were sung for Easter Vigil night in the year 1995! I was proud of what I was able to do - sing responsorial psalms, play for mass, slide projection (it was the ancient transperancy type - and I was at pro at it haha). I had some sort of a relationship with the Lord but it was a one way street. I believed in God, no doubt about that but there was no deep explanation of my relationship with Him, but I was proud to show the world, the little I knew about Him.
I went into music college at the age of 20, and it was a fantastic time for me. I got to perform at many events and the highlight of my musical journey was to perform in front of my favourite band, Earth Wind and Fire in 2007. I had everything going for me - being in the cool group of friends, drinking, partying etc. I got into my first serious relationship as well. I pushed God to the back of my life, at the back of my head where I didn't have to worry about pleasing Him and doing the right things. That's when things started crumbling. Even after contracting the disease, I was adamant about staying in the relationship with my then boyfriend because of my insecurity of having no one to be with me. I was angry. I felt betrayed. I felt alone.
There was nothing I could do to turn back time to get out from the situation I got myself into. It was my choice. It was a decision that I made. I questioned God and doubted Him. There were many nights of crying and feelings of loneliness and depression. Then, I got shot again! Found out about the unfaithfulness of the same partner. This time, I went downhill. There were attempts of suicide but I never had the courage to hurt myself. I was lost in a dark world. Although I kept attending mass and I was choir leader at that time, there was no peace, no freedom and I questioned God about what was love, really. If this was the idea of love, I didn't want it. But He never left me. He heard my cries in the night. He held me when I was asleep. He never actually left me. I knew this, through the love I received from my family and my closest and real friends and from Himself. There was something about the love of Jesus that I could not comprehend.
I began to be serious about my relationship with Jesus in the year 2013. I took up theology lessons on my own and discovered the beautiful treasure given to us by St. John Paul II through the Theology of the Body and I began to equip myself with the fruits of the Holy Spirit - love, joy, kindness, patience and most of forgiveness. I forgave myself and it was a little more easier to forgive those who had hurt me. In 2014, my dear friend asked me to give my testimony at a girls camp. I was petrified about sharing my personal testimony, but once I did, I experienced healing, love, freedom and forgiveness in abundance! I have not stopped proclaiming about His love eversince! He has never left me!
It is still a journey for me to discover the awesome God I have and to share it with you. There is so much to do, so much to share, so much to discover! I have slowly come to discover the plan He has for me and it is amazing. Reflect on your life, my friend. Thank God for all the joys and suffering that is happening in your life right now because He has a plan for you. It doesn't matter that you and I have come from sinful lives. We are all sinners but we have been given a chance to run back into His arms, through the sacraments of Eucharist and Confession, where He awaits to patiently love you and me.
I will sing forever of Your faithfulness from age to age
I will sing forever of Your steadfast love
I will proclaim forever of the greatness of Your mercy
(Taken from Psalm 89)
Oh! Did I not tell you? The STD I had, which was suppose to be for life? Jesus completely healed me! I testify to this because I have been free from the disease for the past 8 years! Praise the Lord!