For so many years I've felt worthless. I've been living in this shell afraid to come out. Always scared to get close to people or open up. Afraid of rejection. Thinking nobody cares what I have to say. I'm a nobody and a loser and a failure so who wants to hear what I have to say or what I'm going through. I can't set here and blame other ppl and failed relationships for me being this way. I have only myself to blame. I did this to myself. So I take full responsibility . I pray for the day God gives me enough confidence to come out of this self imposed prison. I feel a stirring deep inside of my soul. It's small but it's there. I'm not angry or bitter anymore. Since I've decided to fully seek God i feel happier. I still have the same problems and struggles but the difference is I know God will take care of it. Just like He's taking care of me. It's only because of Him that I'm writing this. That I'm not crying, drunk in my kitchen floor or lying on the couch taking shot after shot desperate to feel numb. I don't go through the day thinking about my next drink. Or plotting to hide it from my son. My life has revolved around alcohol for so long. But I've shifted that focus to God and wow what a relief. I never knew being sober could feel this good. I forgot what Peace felt like. I'm starting to figure how to have a life. Inch by inch, piece by piece I'm getting there.