I grew up as a middle child in a typical Malaysian-Chinese family here in Kuala Lumpur. At a very young age, violence, aggression and anger was my companion because it made up for whatever characteristics I lack, specifically, self-confidence and self-love. Letting people in was a big fear of mine because I just couldn’t see myself being good enough for anyone or anything; I was actually God’s mistake. A creation of His by mistake. So, I gave myself and expiration date to live, that by that age, I would end my life because it’s simply just not worth it. It carried over to other areas of my life especially in relationships because I kept pushing people away and putting up a wall to lock myself in, my temper was the wall.
A friend of mine whom I had been journeying with invited me to a church camp one day. I was reluctant because it requires me to fly on a plane and was really a hassle. However, I succumbed to his persistent and went, he paid for everything. It was during adoration, where I met God. I was kneeling down there, telling God all the things He has done wrong in my life, my family, my life, and most importantly, His biggest mistake, me. However, it was when I looked at the Eucharist that it really shook me to the core. A message was stuck in my mind and it says, “You are not a mistake, you are exactly as I have intended. I had never abandoned you.” The warm embrace and reassurance was the best feeling every.
The journey to self-discovery and self-love is never easy but it’s a process, a growth where we start to learn to accept and love ourselves just as how God loved us. Yes I am still a work in progress but as I learn to let people in my life I know now that God is within me.
Just as in your life, God really do love you, and that love is the real reason he created you. Will you accept yourself the way he accepted you?