Is He still looking..?
I’m a 56 year old wife of an entrepreneur,
a mother of six children,
I have two son-in-laws and one daughter-in-law
and I’m a grandma of seven children.
Until last years my faith included
praying before going to bed
– I praised or asked for the help of God.
You could tell that I was trying to get towards the God,
because somehow, the whole time I was thinking
that He is real
despite being distant to me.
Then begun the years of series
when I lost loved ones,
my family members got diseases
and my life became distressing in many ways.
After there was yet another ordeal,
I gave up.
I ran completely out of strength.
My prayers changed to frequent sighs:
“Jesus Christ, the Son of God,
Have mercy on me a sinner.”
And He reprieved me.
Little by little, I started getting inexplicable comfort
and new kind of hope came into my life.
Gradually I anticipated stronger and stronger,
that Jesus is helping me.
Healing my wounds,
guiding, redeeming and also creating something new.
That’s how I also found the Father
whom I am beloved and precious.
A Father whose love I can’t
– and mustn’t –
earn with my own acts.
What has changed?
Everything – but also nothing.
The biggest change is
That now I feel like I’m genuinely living my own life.
To some things I have received a wonderful help.
There is joy and calm in my heart.
And in our marriage
there is new kind of love and appreciation.
I still have those times when I have little worries
and also big difficulties.
And at those times
God seems to keep silent.
I still mess up sometimes
and that’s because I am small, weak
and will always remain sinful.
But now I have
– For the sake of Jesus –
a straight connection to the Father.
To a Father,
who has promised to hear my prayers.
and answer them in a way of his
and in a schedule of his.
To a Father, who is faithful,
will not change, will not cancel His promises
and will never abandon.
Pekka Simojoki’s Hymn has these wonderful lyrics
“Is He still looking out his window,
only to see a lost one?
Does He know how I spend it all?
Does He notice how I’m drifting here?”
My answer is: "Yes".
Now I know that the Father was patiently waiting for me the whole time.
And: "Yes", He is still looking out His window
and waiting – for You.