He is different...
I can understand, that you feel like: this is "too much" or "spaced out" (like I felt, too)…, and indeed that's how it is! God is much much more and even more supernatural, than we could ever imagine. His words says in Isaiah 55, 8-9:
" For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
I witness a lot off rad stuff with God: people got healed from diseases and addictions – families became reconciled – hopeless people, whose life has turned into a whole different way – drug dealers and hooligans, who came to Jesus and who are now on the streets to preach the good news and share the love of God in helping other people to get free from fear and addictions and experience real peace in life – criminal kids from slums, which had a horrible childhood being totally transformed and changed by the love of Jesus – deaf people can hear again – the blind can see…etc.
I could go on and on with that list. Even me personally, I laid down my life for God. It wasn't a sacrifice, but a salvation. Why? My life a stormy life. To grow up without a father or a male role model was hard. And also not to know to which country you belong, because you had to grow up in a foreign land and did not really know your own country has left a huge hole in my identity. My life was a scream of identity. acceptance, value and sense in life. "Who am I? Am I of any value? Am I good as I am? Do I do the things I do good or not? Am I worthy of love?!" It was a life controlled by desperation and death wish. I told myself: "I just have to make it till 30 years. After that I can just die!" The pain, the emptiness and the longing for acknowledgement had urged me to fill those gasps of lack in searching for the "solution" in the world (through my skillz and creative talents)… but in vain. Even if your heart's desires, success and your own imagination of happiness get fulfilled; it won't really fulfill you at all. So burn-out, depression, drugs, alcohol and excessive parties became my lifestyle. I was bitter, frustrated and disappointed of the world and the people. I was selfish, jealous, full of anger and rage on the inside and didn't care about other people. Just a few were important for me. I was cynical and full of resentment. I was unsatisfied with myself,… yes, I tried to find MYSELF. But what I've found was a ruin. THAT was MY LIFE.
Maybe now you can undertand me better, when I mean that it wasn't really a sacrifice to lay down my life to God and to trade it for a new one. God has shown himself to me as the perfect loving and caring father, who got me out of all that bullshit I was in. Who showed me, that He as, is and always will be there for me. i finally could arrive after those years of holding on, never allowed to be weak and never be allowed to do failures. That was my backpack I have packed for my life. but God found me a gave me redemption from this burden. Now i can commit myself and my future to God, for I know that it is in good hands. It is written, that "his thoughts are higher", which means his plans over and for my life are better than mines.
And just wanna share this gift and experience to others. I wanna see people experiencing this hope and love, too. I wanna see people free from diseases, misery and desperation. People who really loves others with a sincere heart, because they felt completely loved by an unconditional loving God. Yeah, when people think, that this is like living in a dreamworld, or loosing grip on reality or gettin' an overdose… YEAH, then I wanna have MORE of it!
I hear people talking all the time about to find yourself first, beofre you can love others…
That sounds to me like this:
Imagine you're a father and you have a son. You just stand back watching how he grows up, how he grizzles, how he cries, how he's hungry, how he falls, how he's feeling sad, how he tries to walk on his own…etc. You don't comfort him, don't tellin' him, that you love him with all your heart, you don't hold him in your arms and tell him, that he is so valuable for you, that you're proud of him and that you're happy, that he's in the world. You never give the security, that you'll always be there for him. But this child made it somehow to hang on and become older…to grow up to a young man. It never experienced real love, parental care, shelter, security, comfort, encouragement, warmth, compassion and safety. And but now you jump in and telling him: "I'm your father. Find yourself first and then love others!" That's my impression of how people see God today. But he's not like that. HE IS DIFFERENT.
And because of He is different, my life became also different.
- Now I'm 35 years old.
- I'm happily maried.
- I'm of the addictions, depressions and fears.
- I live a life full of hope and a perspective of eternity.
- I'm part of one of the most significant thing in the world.
- I'm allowed to write God's lovestory.
And you can also have this life I'm talkin' about. Invite Jesus into your life. It will pay off forerver!
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