Ryszard Nowak

Ruda Śląska Orzegów, Poland

I was a walking complex...

I was a walking complex...


I was probably around 16 years old and was a walking complex... and these days it sometimes happens that others have complexes because of me :))) but that's their problem. I met Someone, who successfully changed my life. Today I can cheerfully look at myself, in a mirror, and while constantly being surrounded with people, I miss being on my own, just with myself...


I really didn't like myself in the past, my name - so strange, lastname - so common, average height, average weight. Even the fact that I coped at school very well, but I wasn't the best in anything. One "A" of my colleague was worth much more than mine, because he was really passionately interested in it, he knew more than anyone else. In sports I was also one of the frontmen, but always just behind the podium, same with music and basically any other area of life. And I thought that girls also preferred the more naughty boys. In addition, I had this over-sensitivity for myself, ineptitude towards my sinfullness and failures. I started posing questions about the meaning of attending church, which I kept doing because of the inner decency and reluctance to distress my parents.


Once a friend invited me to a Bible-related meeting. For the first time I saw young people leaning over the Holy Word, joyfully discussing what they were reading. This interested me, but more so the people who talked about God as if they knew Him. On the following day there was a Prayer Oasis, an expanded meeting over the weekend, to which they also invited me. Prayer, meeting God's Word, the Eucharist, common meals and fun time... this was so different to what I knew from my home church. The naturallness of behaviors, conviction in sharing opinions, serving one another, sincerity and joy of meeting people resulted in an important thing that happened in my heart.


During a Saturday night prayer, while admitting sins, I really wanted to wipe out the whole dirt I had in my heart. Yet, I was afraid and ashamed to do it. And then another person, standing in a different place in the chapel started praying with my thoughts. He apologized God saying the precise words, whole phrases that were jumbling in my mind. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. And then the confession... and the experience of peace, joy and an internal sense of life I didn't feel for a long time. The following day, during a Bible study, we talked about a human-loving-God, about sin which separates us from God and about Lord Jesus, who overcame all obstacles on the way to the Heavenly Father through the cross. I learnt that if I really want to live the life, I should give my life to Jesus, as my Lord and Savior... And I did it!


34 years have passed since that day. I think of my life as a fulfilled one, even though I'm aware that there's still more to come... What used to be the cause of my complexes, now became my strenght! I understood that my biggest gift is versatility. The fact that I'm not "the best" in anything protects me from pride and as a natural consequence I need to find coworkers. God conducted a true healing in me - I used to be a fault-finder, but now it's just the opposite. I see what's missing, but there's much more what's good. The positive attitude to life, readiness to face new challenges, satisfaction from what I do and the rain of encouragements that flow from feedback I hear from others...


Of course, my life isn't all roses, and if it is - then these are the garden roses, with the noble thorns :). The daily exhaustion and tiredness make me often pray "Lord, grant me the eternal rest" :). However, the multitude of fantastic people I meet, interesting events and miracles of God's grace I can observe every day, compensate the everyday efforts in a big way. I know that I owe all that to Lord Jesus who found me, gave me new life and introduced to fellowships of living faith; faith of the many that I go through life with. I want to tell you, that if you're searching... the true answer is in Him...



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