Ryan Feenstra

Chilliwack, Canada

My Search for meaning

They say that hindsight is 20/20; I guess I understand that now.  As I look back on my life, I realize there where many times and ways that I tried to make my life meaningful.  I have on numerous occasions, questioned, “What is the true meaning of life?”  It is something I have always wrestled with. 

I grew up in an amazing family with parents that loved me and my three siblings.  I, also, accepted Jesus Christ at a young age, but it did not really mean much.  I still felt empty in many ways.    I continued to do what I wanted as I searched for significance through what I did and owned.

I remember, as a young child, I would buy stuff and be so excited.  In some disillusioned way, I thought, “this will make me happy!”  Often it would be that same afternoon, I would regret even feel guilty for having made that purchase.  It was at this point in my life that I fought feelings of depression and several occasions contemplated suicide as an easy way out.

My search for meaning has never stopped it has only changed forms.  I started seeking acceptance and affirmation in my work.  I would put in lots of overtime at work. I continued to do this until I was tired and burnt out.  It would slow down for a bit and then I would do it all over again. It was a continual cycle in my life.

Looking back, I was searching for more.    The more I tried to make sense of my existence, the more I craved meaning in life.  The problem is that the more that I tried to fill that craving with stuff, the stronger the desire for significance became.  It is the same with any addiction; it’s like the alcoholic who says, “After this drink, I never need another drink!”  Our cravings will just continue to consume us unless they are dealt with.

It was through the support of my family that I finally decided to give Jesus Christ full control of my life.  That decision has changed everything.  It has changed my attitude and the way I look at life.  It has brought me peace and has helped me to get along with those around me.  Although I’m not perfect, everyday feels like another step in the right direction.  Before I would try to give my life meaning, now I can go to the author of life and see what the true meaning of life is.  Jesus taught that we are all created to be in fellowship with people but ultimately relationship with our creator.  I can honestly say that I have found true fulfillment in Jesus Christ.

If you want to know more about Jesus or have any questions, please contact me, i would love to connect with you.

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