jeremy moses

London, UK

Trying to Prove Myself to the world

So, I was lying face down on my bed. It was about 4am, one night in my first year at university and I was feeling absolutely exhausted, but my heart was still pumping with the caffeine from red bull & pro plus.

I had just done another all-nighter to complete an essay for the next day. The reason I had to do this was because my life was full of so much activity. I went to university & immediately got involved in helping to run the student newspaper and in lots of other clubs & societies. I even went on to run my own business whilst I was at university.

I got involved in all these activities as I was trying to build the perfect CV – to achieve as much as possible. I was constantly comparing myself with my classmates – trying to make sure I was doing better than them.

I was trying to prove myself to the world. I had been bullied as a teenager & I was working hard so I could turn around to the bullies & say, “I’m better than you” or be so successful that they couldn’t hurt me.

Fast forward to my second year and my business was going well. In fact, I had achieved much of what I had set-out to do, but I still felt unsatisfied, in fact, I felt as insecure as ever.  

When I saw that I would never be satisfied by achieving my dreams, I turned to God. 

I hadn’t come from a Christian family, but I had become interested in Jesus during my teenage years. When I had read the new testament, he had captivated me with his authority and the power of his words. 

I realised that my life without God was empty. I had ignored him for much of my life and needed his forgiveness. 

With the help of a friend, I prayed to Jesus to give him control of my life & to ask him for his forgiveness for a life lived without him. 

After that, my life really started to change.

I started to understand the message of God’s unconditional love – that I was loved and forgiven by my father in heaven – regardless of what I’d done or achieved. I didn’t need to prove myself to Him – he already loved & accepted me! This meant I didn’t need to prove myself to other people either! 

This really changed me – I felt I could let go of a number of these activities & gave up my business. I started to live a more balanced life. I changed so much that my housemates were like, “Who are you & what have you done with the guy we used to live with?”

I also started to relate to people very differently. God started to give me love for people around me in a way that I didn’t have before. Previously, I had used people to get ahead & be as successful as I could. Now, God helped me to see the value people had & I started to develop deeper relationships with those around me.

Most of all, as I started to develop a friendship with God, I came to experience a peace & a joy that I had never experienced before. 

Really interested to hear what people think about God. You can message me on this site, contact me personally or watch the video below!

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