I couldn’t figure it out. 

My whole life, I was part of the Church.  Every Sunday I heard sermons about God.  At night, my mother would tuck me in and pray with me.  From the time I first started reading, I was told to read my Bible every day.  My family wanted me to know God. 

But there was an issue.  The God I heard about in Church on Sunday morning didn’t always sound like the God I experienced in my everyday life.  I would hear that God is Love, my family life was centered on God, and yet my household was very broken.  My father was abusive in almost every sense of the word.  My sister was born with a rare disease.  My mother was working multiple jobs and yet there was never enough money.  I was told to pray more, but it didn’t seem like God was doing anything about it.

Meanwhile, I was feeling called to prepare for ministry.  I knew there had to be a way to make sense of this God we say we believe in and practically embody the goodness and love which are at the very heart of this God.  So I set out for a new adventure: studying theology and philosophy and ministry.  The combination was challenging.  In one class we would assume certain things about God, and in another class we would assume almost the opposite.  In other classes, we would not assume anything at all. It was in this tension where I found God.

You see, there were times when it seemed that God was just a figment of my imagination or simply a really nice idea.  There were times when I felt there was no need for God.  And it was in this time when I realized everything I need to know about God. 

God is not just some concept, a topic to be studied and put in a box.  God is dynamic and active.  God loves because God is Love. 

In my life, I see the love of God moving and working in many ways.  There were many times when God would provide for my family in ways we couldn’t even imagine.  My sister is now a beautiful teenager, even after the doctors didn’t think she would make it.  My family is becoming whole again through the power of God.  I am who I am today because I know God is active in my life.  God is love.