Centre of someone's world
My whole life has been characterized by a desire to be valued by other people- my family, friends, teachers. I wanted to know that they valued having me in their life - that I filled a unique role no one else could.
I saw this craving play out in my relationships with others in many ways;
With my girlfriends I wanted to be the first friend they entrusted their secrets to, I wanted to be the first friend they called when something exciting happened in their life. I wanted them to see me not simply as a friend, but as their “best” friend. When a friend didn’t call me first, or when they starting hanging out with another friend more I felt like I wasn’t needed or wanted in their life.
With my guy friends, like most girls, I wanted their attention. I just wanted that feeling of being the center of someone’s world. I longed to be the object of their affection- to feel loved and valued. When they didn't give me the attention I was hoping for I felt crushed and started trying to figure out what flaws about myself I could fix so guys would like me more.
Then a couple years ago I attended a conference where I was asked the question – Do you believe God loves you? Like actually loves YOU? It may seem like a simple question – but it hit me like a ton of bricks. All my life I grew up hearing that God loved the world so much He sent His only Son to die for them. But I had never actually believed that Jesus died because he loved ME personally – that He saw such worth in me that He was willing to lay His life down to rescue ME.
Realizing this changed my life – not only did I see God in a different light, but I finally found a place where I felt like I was the centre of someone’s world- where my worth was not dependent on what I brought to the table, but dependent on God’s unchanging love.
Of course I would be lying if I said I didn’t still want to experience the whole fairy tale romance thing – my craving for love and worth are not gone – they well up every time I go to a wedding or watch a chick flick, but I’ve realized that the reason I crave these things is because God created them in me. And that the only way to find lasting satisfaction is in knowing that God loves and values me perfectly and unconditionally - so much more than any man or friend possibly could.
I craved worth and I found it wholly and unchanging in Jesus - I think you will too!