My Christmas miracle..
Chtistmas time has always been special to me because of peaceful and light atmosphere, but especially because the Christmas of 2009 changed my life.
In my teenage years I was a pretty crazy girl, to whom it was very important to look good in the eyes of others. Influenced by my friends, I tried alcochol, cigarettes and even different pills, toxic substances to get dizzy. I liked all of that and so from about the age of twelve till fourteen I was regularly drunk, missed the school alot. At that time I also had lots of depresive thoughts, I weared black clothes, listened to "heavy" music and tried to challenge the world with my looks and behaviour. Of course, it brought worries to my family, I lied alot about where I am and what I am doing. I was sent to psychologist, to addiction prevention center, but even if on the outside I tried to show, that everything will be ok with me, inside I didn't feel any motivation to change my lifestyle.
When I was about fifteen, I began to calm down, spend time differently then only getting drunk, also my outward appearance changes and overall I thought that life is getting better. But still from time to time I thouht about where excatly is my place in this world? Why am I here? I compared myself alot with other girls, who, in my opinion, were more fun, cooler and more beautiful. I felt like I am fine, but I am also nothing special and I couldn't leave home without make-up on, because I just didn't feel beautiful enough the way I was.
But then the Christmas of 2009 came. Me and my friends were invited to church service by one guy, with whom we were chatting online. We thought the way he spoke about God was quite funny- like a real fanatic- so we decided to go. I had never been to church service and I didn't know almost anything about Christianity. I thought the church is a boring place for old ladies and week people. But when I went to this service, I experienced something else- there were many young people and beautiful families, these people were genuinely happy about Christ being born and I just saw…hope in them. I thought: "They have something I don't have. I want to come back here." So I went home, thinking about that I want a foundation for my life, something worth living.
A couple days later, me and my friends walked in Riga and met some youth from the same church who had made a Christmas campaign- they gave mandarins to people who went by with a text "God loves you" and told everyone who was ready to listen about how God has a special plan for their lives to forgive our sins and be in relationship with us, and that's why He sent His Son in the world. We listened and one guy asked us: Maybe you want to pray right here and now and ask Jesus Christ to come into your life? I think, we didn't really want it at the moment, but to get rid of him, we said: Yes, ok. And then right there in middle of Old Riga street we prayed: God, forgive my sins. Come into my life.
I went home with a feeling that I have done a good choice. In taht moment I didn't realise yet how important it was. I thought: Ok, I believe in positive thinking ( was a big fan of "The secret" book at that time), I can also believe in Jesus- cool! So time went on and I didn't think much about God or faith. But thoughts kept coming to my mind: You have invited Jesus in your life, what does it really mean? Doesn't something need to change? Out of nowhere I suddenly began to be interested in Christianity (now I see that it was God working at my heart and giving this interest) and when we were given New Testaments in school, I happily took it and began to read at home. I didn't understand much at first, but I continued to read and grew in my faith. After six months I decided to go back to the same church. And I stayed there. With each church service I went to, each chapter I read in the Bible, each prayer I prayed, I realised- no, I don't want Christ to be just one cool part of my life. I want Him to be ALL of my life. I want to live to honour God. This choice demanded to say no to some things which I understood, don't honour God. I stopped smoking and using alcochol. I didn't read books about positive thinking anymore, because I realised the Creator of All can help me and not the strenght of my thoughts. But saying no to these things didn't seem hard anymore, because I had gained something, which I really longed for- foundation for life, understanding of why I am. I didn't seem ugly to myself anymore, actually- now I don't use make up at all most of the time, because I feel beautful just the way I am.
Today I am twenty-three years old and I can't say it has always been easy to be a Christian. Every day there are challenges and I have to make a choice- will I stay on the path that God has planned for me or I will try to control my life? But it has been soo worth it. I have experiences many times, how close God is at happy and hard moments. And whenever I have thoughts about- is it really not easier to just leave my faith and live for myself, I answer like apostle Peter, responding to Christs question: "Do you also want to leave? (and stop following Him, as many people had done) Simon Peter replied: Lord, where will we go? You have the words of everlasting life and we have believed and said that you are a Saint of God." (Gospel of John 6:68)
Have you found a foundation for your life? If you wish to share YOUR story, feel free to write me!