Who am I? Why did God create me?

Since childhood, I began asking myself many questions about my identity and the meaning of life. I grew up in a very strict household in the suburb of Paris. Later on, I started getting withdrawn and naysayer over everyday’s life.

Since I couldn’t find any answers to all of my questions, I begun feeling empty deep inside. I  was looking around, observing what people were running after, but it seemed meaningless to me. I had the feeling that everyone was playing a game, that they were pretending to be happy, but in fact it was just a big lie.

On the other hand, I was raised in a christian family and was a believer. Yet, there was a huge gap between what I believed and what I experienced.

I believed in a God of joy, yet my life was all about sadness and boredom.

I believed in a God of love, yet I was unable to love or be loved.

In a God of light, yet I felt like I was living in the dark.

And the more I was wrestling to find my way out and give a meaning to my life, the more I realized of how much all my efforts were in vain, which worsened this feeling of emptiness.

A prayer of despair

In 2008, on new year's eve, I was sitting in my room..all lights off and reflecting on my sick and tired life. That had I had the choice, I would actually rather die and go straight to heaven than living this life of nonsense. Yet I was aware that this wasn’t God’s plan.

So I sent these prayers out ot the Lord:

"Lord, you know that if it was up to me, I would rather be dead right now. But it seems that you have other plans for me. So here is the deal. This coming year, I give it all to you. Take my life and do as you please. Send me all over the world to help the poor or whatever. Just give a sense to my life, because for me, it just doesn’t matter anymore."

This prayer was just a cry of despair, and as soon as I finished praying, life went on. But what I didn’t know was that God did hear me that day, and had it all figured out already.

An encounter that changes everything

Shortly after that prayer, I happened to be involved in volunteering projects in a christian organization. And I began to hear many testimonies during those projects.

People from all backgrounds: catholics, atheists, muslims, engineers, scientists, drug addicts, criminals, you name it. All of them telling about their “encounter” with Jesus and how their life was drastically changed ever since. In just a blink, they became the happiest people in the world.

For example I could remember hearing the story of a man telling that as soon as he gave his life to Jesus, a tremendous joy overflowed him that he couldn’t keep it for himself, so he just walked down the street to share with everyone his encounter with Jesus.

This led me to ask myself the following question: "wait a minute, I am also a christian, I know Jesus too, yet how come don't I live and share the same joy and love as they do?"

So I began searching for God more earnestly.

One day, as we were having a prayer meeting, I was spending some time praying by myself.

I couldn’t describe exactly what happened then. I didn’t hear nor see anything, but all of a sudden, I felt the strong presence of God, as if He had entered the room.

At this very moment, I felt a tremendous love,  peace, and a joy that I had never felt before. And within seconds, all the emptiness, questions and pains that I had carried during all these years had fallen apart, for I was filled with God’s love.

That day I had my “encounter” with Jesus too, and I am a whole new man. Out of nowhere I found joy in life again, no more emptiness. I was eager to know Jesus furthermore and experience His love.

From that day forward, I started my walk with Jesus, with the desire to get to know Him, to serve Him and share His love with others.

A new life way beyond my expectations

Every since, this experience has led me to a journey that  I could have never imagined. I ended up serving the Lord in the street of Paris and some other countries. I happened to be in refugee camps, prisons, small secluded villages at the far end of Asia, talking about Jesus, sharing my story, praying for people , feeding the poor,… and I don’t know what is next.

I am not saying that life is now nothing but happiness, but I have found my identity and purpose in Jesus. I know that with Him I have eternal life, and all the trials that I face are nothing compared to the coming blessings He has in store for me.

I would love to share with you more on this topic, hear about your personal experience with God, any questions, objections, or if you would like to know more about Him.

Elie