Moya Rausch

Letting God fill the empty spaces.

My name is Moya, at the time of this story I had been married for 3.5 years, and we had 2 children with our third on the way.

We had a " good" easy marriage without major troubles, but there had been issues that I had ignored or thought would go away. But they hadn't, they had gotten worse and it had become problematic. Pornography had been an issue, and it had escalated to the point that it was affecting our relationship in a huge way.

I had decided that we, my husband and I, needed space. He needed to think about his choices and I needed space to clear my head and decide what I needed to do. It looked like my marriage was ending.

I was at my mom's with my kids, we had been there about a month and a half. And one night I was in the bathtub, and I was crying, and praying, telling God how I felt, abandoned, lonely, angry, disappointed. I was just telling God all these things, and then, for a moment I was quiet. And I told God, "I'm done, I just don't have any more to give, I have nothing left to say, I'm just empty, that's it." And then, I felt this peace, and it was like God spoke into my heart and said "Now I can fill all those empty spaces, now that you have finally let it all go, and stopped trying to fix it, can be the father, friend, brother and husband that you need." That was when I had this assurance and peace, that God is enough, and he is able to be everything I need in the perfect way. I can depend on him. Soon after this, I was able to go on to begin to reconcile with my husband, without the disappointment and fear that results from expecting him to be what only God can be in my life. Because I fully depend on God, we have been able to rebuild and begin to repair the damage done by pornography addiction. 

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