How Jesus Saved My Marriage
I'd like to share about my near divorce experience. I remember the day my wife and kids left our apt. I remember not caring if I ever saw them again or if they came back. The week goes by and I'm denying that there is anything wrong, that pornography or selfishness is a problem for me and causing this division and darkness, not understanding why she and the kids had left me. I wondered how I could pay the rent bills, and give them money. And then I would think of leaving it all behind and moving out of the country so that I wouldn't have to pay child support if we got divorced. There was such a spiritual battle going on, I claimed Christianity, but wasn't living it. There was a pull of wanting to be single and live the single lifestyle. Going to the strip club and the pornography did nothing to fill the void I was feeling. My pregnant wife and two kids weren't even filling that void that I had had. I had his overwhelming sense of hopelessness and despair. I was really depressed, I wondered why God was doing this to me, why He let sex and porn have such a strong pull on me, why He had let my wife and kids leave. A few months after my family had left me, and after so much emotional rollercoaster of feelings I decided I wanted to end it all. I think I had sent my wife an email to the sort of me wanting to take my life. That night I sat in the living room with a 9mm handgun in my hand asking God to take my life, to end this despair and hopelessness I felt. I cried for what seemed like forever, exhausted and emotionally drained I ended up putting the gun away, and falling asleep. I woke up the next morning, with a new sense of hope. I knew it was Jesus who had taken away the desire to pull the trigger that night. I felt like God had heard me, like he cared for and about me. I decided to dedicate my life to Him, not knowing if I had really done it before. I had a new sense of appreciation and understanding of God's love, mercy, and grace. I had head knowledge of this, but had never experienced it on the emotional and spiritual level like I had through this. So, combined with a rededication to Christ, and a determination to restore our broken, deteriating marriage, I started reading books on defeating pornography, I got hooked up with an accountability partner, and started going to counseling, going by myself, and them as a couple. I took the initiative to ask forgiveness from my wife and her family for how I had treated her, I took full responsibility for my actions. Prayer was huge in helping restore our relationship. A couple months later and after lots of Godly counseling my wife and kids moved back in, and we continue to grow as a couple, with Christ leading our family.