No, I am not beautiful.

I always liked to eat. Growing up I was never picky on food. But this also had effections on my body-I never was a skinny girl. I was not fat, but just not skinny.

I have an aunt, she really was corpulent and she had some health problems because of that. My parents were sometimes worried that I could become like her. So they always told me not to eat too much. „Do you want to to end up like your aunt?“ they asked me.  

Of course, they just wanted the best for me by saying that. They didn’t want me to have serious health issues from eating too much. But what I thought they ment by saying that was that I am not beautiful.  So I start thinking that I am not beautiful. Maybe I am a nice person and smart, because I had some good grades. But beautiful? No. Not me.

I am not beautiful, but...

For  a long time I lived with this picture I had of myself. When we went to the pool, I never felt comfortable. As soon as I got out of the pool, I took a towel to wrap around me or put a T-Shirt on. And because in my opinion I was not beautiful, I tried  to find something else that would gain the attention of the cool kids. Dancing was a good opportunity. I was cool because I could dance.

But then I had to change to high school. And there they were not interested in my dancing skills. I became the outsider, a strange person. When I realized that I started to feel unsure about myself. In the end I felt unsure in my behaving, I never felt sure how  how to act, how to answer to people. I was always doubting and judgeing me.

And then one time I realized that I should not seek confirmation in what people think about me but what God thinks about me. In my church’s youth group I found a place where I could be the way I am because they accepted me how I was. So after a while I ended up accepting me the way I am. I started to thing about me as a talented and strong girl, someone that goes to University and loves languages, someone that sings beautiful, loves to dance, finds the strength in God, reads the bible everyday and has some plans for the future. But beautiful? No. I still thought I am not beautiful.

God’s view is not my view!  

When I was at Univeristy I had a seminar about identity wich got me thinking a lot about what that word really means. And suddenly I realized something essential. In psychology there’s this theory that no one can define his or her identity on his/her own. So you can not say: I am like this or like that. You need someone that tells you, how you are and that’s how you define yourself. It is like when you have eaten spaghettis and you are not sure whether you still have some sauce in your face. You need a mirror to tell you if or if not. And that’s how it’s like when talking about identity. You need someone to tell you who you are.

That’s when I realized the actual meaning of 2nd korinthians 5:17.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

It all depends on wich mirror I chose. Do I chose the world’s mirror or God’s mirror? The worlds tells me: You are only beautiful when you are skinny. But God says something else! He says: You are beautiful because I made you beautiful! I don’t make ugly things. You are perfect the way you are. And I have a fully and complete YES to you. You don’t have to be someone else and you don’t have to do something to get my attraction. I love you UNCONDITIONALLY.

Yes, I am beautiful.

Slowly but surely I realized the truth. First in my head and the more I accepted God’s view and got him closer to me, the more my heart began to accept it. I am beautiful. And I can be the way I am because he loves me the way I am. Even more than than- he wants to be my best friend and be with me every day of my life!

This new thinking totally changed the way I behave. I am free now to be the way I want to be. Without hiding or feeling unconfortable.

Do you know those thoughts I had over me? Do you also think you are not beautiful? Let your way of thinking be changed from his thinking! It is totally worth it.