Silvana Caspani

Jegenstorf, Switzerland

From Performance to freedom

At school already, there was a growing urge to perform inside of me. Over time, I put myself more and more under pressure. I thought that I was precious only when expectations that I myself or others had of me were met. At the age of 13, I took up rowing. I was very successful and won a lot of competitions. I even won the Junior Swiss Championship several times. Whenever I was standing on the podium, my parents were very proud of me and gave me the attention that I would have needed at any other time as well.

Finally, the moment arrived when my body couldn’t take it any more. I had an asthma attack during a competition and my boat overturned. A lifeboat had to come to my rescue. After this incident, I ended my “career”. To make up for the thing that I had lost, I began to party excessively and looked for attention and self-esteem among the people around me, but I didn’t find it there.

It was at that same time that I heard for the first time that God was interested in me and that he wanted to have a personal relationship with me. But I was very involved in my own matters and didn’t really let this news have an impact on my life. At some point, I was exhausted and began to suffer from depression. At that time, I wasn’t able to work or get through everyday life on my own.

At the end of my tether, I met God.

One morning when my alarm clock rang, I couldn’t get up. I didn’t even find the strength to think clearly. At the end of my tether, I found God. I met God as a loving father who showed me attention, love and self-esteem when I was in a personal down. During this time when I was in a certain way paralysed, I began to pray a lot (speak to God). When I’m with God, I don’t have to perform to be accepted and loved. This experience gave me a new kind of freedom – the freedom to consider myself worthy to be loved.

It is still challenging not to define myself on the grounds of what I do. God helps me every time anew by revealing his love to me and by saying:

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free." (The Bible – Galatians 5,1)

Do you want to get to know God? Do you have questions about faith? Are you looking for freedom? Have you been touched by my story?

Answer me:

It would be a pleasure to read your message!

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