Renata Ramanauskaite

Vilnius, Lithuania

Failure - acceptance - new identity

Failure – acceptance – new identity


To study at my dream university I had to take 3 entrance exams- one was oral history. I was always a good student even without much effort. History was one of my favorite subjects, but that exam just did not go as I expected. I did not cope well with sleepless nights and the high stress of presenting well before a group of university professors. I passed the exam but I got a really low mark. As I left university I could not look anyone in the eyes, I was so embarrassed and ashamed. I felt like a failure.

I got to university but I wasn’t studying history as my major. The feelings of failure and shame haunted me. As time went by disappointment with myself, university and others grew deeper. It led me to start thinking about what I had heard of Jesus and his forgiveness. But how could I understand and experience this forgiveness since I could not forgive myself even for small things? Only later I understood that actually there is a problem and obstacle that did not let me experience peace and forgiveness. It was junk in my life or you can call it “bad stuff” that stopped me from being at peace with God and myself. I met others who struggled with similar issues. They helped me understand that Jesus can bring peace and restoration to my life.

I made a step of faith and said a simple prayer (it’s just like a simple conversation with God) asking Jesus to be part of my life. Did a radical change happen? Not externally but internally. I was at peace. I was at peace with God and myself. God gave me a new identity, meaning and purpose to my life. I did not have to be ashamed of myself since God accepted me completely for who I was.

Since that time I desire to help others understand that a real relationship is possible with God. It begins with not just believing God’s existence but making a step of faith and beginning to trust Jesus.

I still fail at times but I’ll never be a failure in my new identity.


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