Who am I
At the end of 2010 I got sick. I was tired of everything. I didn’t like my work anymore. I didn’t like my life. I was not happy even though I had everything. I also felt very guilty. I didn’t like myself anymore.
My whole life, I had believed in God. I did everything to satisfy Him. Nevertheless, it was more important for me to satisfy everyone around me: my boss, my husband, my children, my parents, my friends…. everyone. And for me, it was never enough. I was so tired of that because it is impossible to satisfy everyone. And it was not possible to really be myself. I ended up in a “burn-out,” a situation of having no energy for anything. I needed to think about who I really was. What do I want and who am I? And who is God for me really? And even more, who is God actually and how does He look at me? I was depressed.
He loves me for who I am And not for what I do
I started to talk about this with other Christians. And I began to read the Bible more. I wanted to find God again. I tried everything, also listening to Christian speakers. Once, at a meeting, a speaker said that God loves me “unconditionally.”
He loves me for who I am and not for what I do.
That was such a relief, a real eye-opener. Before that time, I knew this with my head, but never believed it in my heart. And at that moment, something happened. Tears came to my eyes. Normally, I am not someone who cries easily. Suddenly, I understood. God loves me. I had to stop believing the lies I was telling myself. Lies like: “I am not good enough,” “my opinions about things are not important,” “I am worthless.”
All of a sudden, I understood that those negative thoughts were not coming from God. God says (everywhere in the Bible) that I am good enough, that my opinion does matter and that I am worthy in God’s eyes. At that moment, I felt God came into my heart. I felt like a butterfly escaping from a cocoon. For that reason, I bought a necklace with a butterfly so that I would always remember what happened at that special moment.
I am free
I am accepted and loved for who I am. It doesn’t depend on what I do. That was such liberation for me. One example really touched me: When Jesus died on the cross, God saw me hanging there. Jesus took the punishment for the sin of all humanity, including me, so I can be free. And now, when God looks at me, He first sees Jesus, who is in me. So He doesn’t see a sinner, He sees His own child. This explanation made a big difference in my life.
Why should I work to earn God’s love when He doesn’t ask me to do that? I thought I knew how God thought. But I was wrong. God is my loving Father, loving me just as I am. He created me!
This is also good news for you. The way God looks at me is not exclusive. That is also the way he looks at you. I don’t know why you are here, but I do know that God loves you. Not because of what you have done, but because of who you are in Jesus. In Jesus, you are His beloved son or daughter.
God loves you as his own Son. Be sure of that.