I'm NEVER good enough
(video to be updated soon… hopefully)
I am also a musician (yay)! I play quite a few instruments… was I good? I’d like to think so, But I’ve NEVER believed I was good enough, despite back in high school I was the leader of two different orchestras, and both won many competitions.
I also struggled to fit in, especially because I grew up in a church, I believed that many things I did church-related were just “not cool enough”.
I got my driver’s license when I was 17 years old… here comes the trouble!
I wanted to prove to my friends that I CAN DRIVE…
One day I was tailgating my friend down the road, just before we reached the destination, I lost control!
I saw myself FLYING closer and close towards a house on the corner of the road, my steering wheel was locked… then I realised that I wasn’t able to stop either… I thought, “that’s it, I am a dead man…”
Everything happened in SLOW MOTION before my eyes… just like in the movies… I was so afraid of what was going to happen to me, a few seconds seemed like a long time to me, my life flashed through my head,
At the moment of facing death, I knew (didn’t know how, but I just knew) that life doesn’t end here. But I really didn’t know where I’d go, will I go to heaven? I DON’T KNOW!
… For the first time, I was afraid to die…
I cried out to the God whom I've learned about growing up, “LORD Jesus, Save Me!!”
Guess what? The house is still standing there!! I wasn’t hurt at all!! the car was damaged however.
That was the first time I felt that DEATH was SO REAL, but at the same time, that GOD WAS SO REAL to me!
What really amazed me was when I brought the damaged car to my dad, totally expecting some sort of discipline.
Yet all he said to me was, “Aaron, everyone gets into a traffic accident sooner or later, I hope this the one you learned your lesson from”. WOW, that was the first time I experience what true acceptance and forgiveness are really about. If my dad can love me like that, how much more is God’s love for me?
He loves and accepts me just as I am; I didn’t have to prove to anyone who I am by becoming a top musician, or by showing anyone that I can actually drive defensively! He also promised that He’ll never leave me!
DO I still struggle with wanting acceptance? Of course I do! But now I don’t struggle without hope, I know despite my shortcomings and imperfections, I am still fully loved and accepted in God's eye, because of what Jesus had done for me, he’s the one who also gives me strength and help.