I thought I knew what it meant to be a Christian.
I thought that I knew what it meant to be a Christian. I grew up in a nice Christian family, went to church, youth group, on church camps and trips. I knew that Jesus loved me and that God created the world, but what I didn’t realize was the pride that was building up inside of me.
Although I did all the things expected of a good Christian on Sunday, the rest of the week, my life did not look any different than anyone else. I didn’t have any friends who were Christians in high school and my friends at church, through the years, either moved away, left the church, or turned away from God. I didn’t click with the other girls at church much, and I thought I was better, cooler than them. And my friends at school, I thought because I am a “Christian” I am better than them too. In my insecurity, I gossiped behind my friends’ backs and teased them to make myself feel better.
By the time I came to university, I was tired…I was tired of the drama at church, tired of drama with my friends at school, and tired of living the prideful, “religious” life. I told God, if you find me a church and community, ok, but I am not going to look for it.
Well, God answered that prayer. During the first week of school I met a girl named Kaylee. I guess I had filled out a survey for a student organization, Cru. Kaylee knocked on my door and invited me the Bible study in the dorm. From that point on, my life was changed forever. At the Bible study, I met other girls, my owe age, who actually read and knew the Bible, prayed for each other, prayed for others, and genuinely cared for me – a small, prideful freshman.
I remember finding my dusty Bible in my dorm room and really reading it for the first time. God opened my eyes that I had been missing the point all along! Being a Christian isn’t about doing the “right things”, going to church, or memorizing a Bible verse, it is about grace! Even while we are still sinners (and I sure am sinful!) Christ died for us! We cannot know God on our own, we can never be “good enough”, but God sent himself, as Jesus, to a world that rejected him, so that we can know Him and his perfect love. Wow! I was so humbled that I had never truly understood this in the first 19 years of my life…
God used these girls in my dorm to show me what love really is – a love that comes from God. After I started to understand the gospel and experience this community, I decided that I wanted to truly follow Jesus, wherever he calls me. I wanted the pride in my life to be replaced with humility and thankfulness to God. It has not been perfect since then. Life is a series of ups and downs, but I know that God is good, faithful, and trustworthy, and I am excited to be on this adventure that He has for me.