Heart-ache! There were people around me that I knew well, but I was lonely. At that point, after living 27 years, I had never felt that lonely. I was at a loss. I did not know how to move forward. Even God seemed far from me.
That summer I left what was familiar to me and embarked on a trip of a life time. I boarded a plane with a few others and set out for Israel! In the midst of my desolate feelings, there was excitement for what was coming. I dedicated the past few years of my life to studying God’s word. Now I was going to the place where many amazing things of Jesus’ life happened.
The trip did not disappoint. I was able to see the places where Jesus taught the multitudes. I was able to understand more clearly what Biblical authors meant when they said phrases like “going up to Jerusalem.” The Dead Sea really was dead except for the lively tourists, slowly swaying back and forth like floating ocean buoys. Coming out of the Dead Sea and showering was a feeling of refreshment like I had never felt. The saturation of salt and minerals from the sea cleansed and brought new life back to my skin. I felt as though I was glowing. However, my heart did not share the same glow. I still felt the immense loneliness I had brought from home. How could this be? I’m having the time of my life, but I still feel empty inside. I’m a Christian… I should be able to power through this! — God would soon show me how very wrong I was in my thinking.
We continued our tour of the land. The next day seemed as though we were driving for hours. Higher and higher the bus would go with no end in site. Finally we reached our destination, the top of Mount Nebo. God brought Moses to this same spot and told him to look out at the land of Canaan. This was the land promised to Israel. The view was amazing! In that moment, I realized I was witnessing the same thing Moses had thousands of years before — the faithfulness of God! God stayed true to His word and brought His people to the right place at the right time although it was through difficulty and suffering. How lost and lonely the Israelites must have felt wandering through the desert not knowing exactly where they were going. But now, they were about to enter and experience rest.
I realized that day looking out at the land, that God was not far from me. He was always with me, just as He was with the lost and lonely wandering Israelites. I realize now that in the midst of my loneliness God was teaching me what it meant to depend on Him for what I truly needed.
Since that day, heart-ache slowly melted away to yield a sense of fullness and intimacy. Only God could truly fill the longings of my heart and He amazingly continues to do so.
God is not far from you either. He is knowable and desires to be known by you. Contact me through my profile if you would like to know how.