My Journey To Faith
I’ve always had a strong desire for justice. Why is there rape? Why is there incest? Why is there abuse? Why?? Having been raised in a Christian-based household where my mum espoused Christianity but my father was a Buddhist, I was often confused. I read the Bible and thought it to be true and yet, Buddhism too taught us virtuous values and righteousness. Which was the right way? Which was the better way to ensure justice? Which one would stop rape and abuse?
It was a tough journey seeking for the answers. I wanted to believe the Bible as the Truth but often I looked around me and felt that non-Christians were better able to live out my desires for justice, mercy and kindness than the Christians who read the Bible. Did I misunderstand something?
In the midst of my intense search for justice and righteousness, I stumbled into realising my own sin. While I had tried every way I thought possible to live a life of morality, justice and righteousness, I found myself using the same hypocrisy I felt I saw around me. I used the Bible to justify my wrongdoings that the Lord Himself had clearly said was wrong. While I did the right thing for one person, I invariably hurt another person. How could it be that by following one Law so rigorously, I could simultaneously break another Law? How could I be such a sinner? No matter how hard I tried to do good, I would concurrently do evil against another. I was devastated. I thought that there was no way for us human beings to be good. How can we follow justice and righteousness when there is nothing good in us? Interestingly, the Lord Himself did not give up on me! He sent me wise Christian elders who—although not perfect themselves—modelled Love. When I didn’t understand, when I was struggling to do good in spite of my sin, He sent me people who loved me even though I felt like I was unworthy of anything. He opened my eyes to see love.
Love? Indeed, I did not understand something. I didn’t understand love. I did not understand that God so loved the world that He sent His Son Jesus—who had no sin in Him—to die for our unrighteousness. God loves me. He loves justice, righteousness and mercy…but most of all, He loves me! There is nothing more or less that we can do or follow in order to be loved any more or less. That hit me like a tonne of bricks. Jesus loves me! I was not seeking justice or righteousness…I was seeking Love!
In the midst of looking so hard for the right way to do justice, I found the answer in love through the people whom the Lord sent. And because I saw love, I saw the One who loves us so much that He died on the cross for us. That was how I found my faith.
1 John 4:8 – Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
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