Farida Faye

God Stopped Me

God stopped me. 

It was 5 years ago when I was only 9 years old, I was bullied a lot and I suffered depression so bad.

I felt pain, I felt worthless, I felt empty that I decided to close my doors and block everyone from my life. 

I turned into an antisocial person who does nothing but sit and sulk at the corner of the room. I was scared, scared of everyone. 

I kept it from my family, I was too scared to tell them.

I didn't have any friends, people kept on insulting me. Telling me a lot of horrible things.

I believed them, I also thought that I am worthless and nothing but an outcast.

The pain got worse, I felt like I was about to get swallowed by the darkness.

That's when I started to get violent. I felt like I was losing my sanity.

I started to harm myself. I was cutting myself, thinking of other ways to end my life. 

I cried everyday, cried myself to sleep everynight. I hid all of my cuts from my parents, I pretended that I'm fine. 

I tried to forget about it by listening to music and drawing but it only helped me for a very short time.

I always put a fake smile on my face everyday, I needed to show everyone that I'm happy...

But the more that I hide my true feelings, the more they get worse. 

I started to lock myself in my room after coming home from school. 

Distancing myself from everyone even more.

I almost killed myself by hanging myself but then I suddenlt felt like something or someone was stopping me.

And that's it...

That's when a realization hit me. 

I am valuable. What people say about me doesn't define who I am because no one knows me better than myself. 

I was so stupid to not realize it sooner. 

I felt relieved that I didn't gave in to my depression. 

That's when I learned that no matter what people say about me, I am strong enough to accept it, I am brave enough to face it.

That's when I started to pull myself back up. To fight for myself.

Why should I put an end to my life when this is the most precious gift that God gave me?

Why should I believe in what people say about me when I know myself the most?

I can live without them. Why should I care about what they say about me?

I felt happy. I told my parents about it, I was not scared anymore.

I felt closer to God. I felt love and care from my family...

Thank You, Lord. Thank You for stopping me. Thank You for making me realize that I am valuable. Thank You for the love. Thank You for my life. Thank You for my family. I'm sorry for thinking of putting an end to my life. Thank You thank You thank You!

My love and devotion for You got stronger.

No words can express how much I am thankful for all of the blessings that you give me even up to this day. 

You gave me my life and I shall treasure it until you want to take it back. 

God stopped me from ending my life.

God Stopped Me.

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