An Unreasonable joy
I have always loved babies. Even as a young girl, you would see me carrying my little cousins around on my hip. So I just assumed that when I got married and decided to have children, it wouldn't be a problem. When my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at thirteen weeks I was heartbroken.
Since I got pregnant right away the first time, I thought we would just go ahead and try again. But because of complications after my miscarriage it wasn't so simple. I couldn't get pregnant and so I was booked for a D&C (a Dilatation & Curettage, where the miscarriage is treated by scraping out the lining of the uterus).
When the time came for my pre-op testing, I was quite sure that I might be pregnant again but my doctor didn't believe it. When my pregnancy tests came back negative, I trusted her word. Yet my husband and I struggled with it. What if I was indeed pregnant with our much-wanted child? We prayed and asked God to protect the baby if that was the case.
My miracle baby
Seven and a half months later we were the proud parents of a healthy baby boy - a full-term baby! God had protected him and even the surgeon and my obstetrician had to admit that Jamie was indeed our miracle baby! Today he is a young adult who loves life. He just got married and is starting a family of his own!
There were times during that pregnancy when I became very anxious. With each complication I came to the point where I had to consciously make a choice. Would I become anxious about losing this baby? Or would I place my trust in God, who knew exactly how it would all turn out right from the beginning? Afraid that I would miscarry again, the doctor put me on bed rest for two months.
One day, laying flat on my back, I called out to God. As I looked out the bedroom window I saw a beautiful rainbow, which is a sign of promise in the Bible. I decided to make my requests known to God and leave the outcome to him. And I am thankful that he knew every moment of my baby's life before he was even conceived!
I actually had a couple of almost normal months until I was on my back again, this time with toxemia. I was hospitalized and ordered to be on total bed rest once more. At that time I struggled with feelings of anger, disappointment and fear of losing my child, not to mention the anxiousness of not knowing what would happen next.
Again I came to the point where I could say, "Lord, this child is indeed in your hands." With all the complications Jamie and I almost died during my labor and delivery, yet God miraculously intervened and we both survived.
Getting pregnant again
My next pregnancy ended in another miscarriage and after that it took almost another year before I was pregnant again. We were thrilled, but at four months I became very ill and had to undergo an emergency appendectomy! Again my life as well as the life of my unborn child was at risk.
The surgeon told my husband that my appendix was "hot" and would not have lasted until morning. We agonized through the following days wondering if I would miscarry again and we knew we had a choice to make: would we be overwhelmed? Or would we turn to God, rejoice in him and with thankful hearts make our requests known to him?
Getting to know God better
I spent almost that entire pregnancy on my back as my blood pressure again went dangerously high. I had three months of premature labor, which were also months of incredible growth in my relationship with God. I could do nothing but spend time with him and that is exactly what I did.
As I concentrated on getting to know God better, it became easier to trust him in every situation, especially to bring this tiny baby healthy into our family. Heather arrived safely and she is a constant reminder of those long months I spent being still before God.
Three years later I finally had my first normal pregnancy. That was when Jody joined our family. I had to choose to trust God for each pregnancy and each complication. And now I continue to choose to trust him to help me raise each of our children. With three young adults that isn't always easy. But it is a choice I make.
One of my favorite passages in the Bible says, "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:4,6,7)
Without Christ in me I could never choose joy. It would only be a feeble attempt at positive thinking. The source of my true joy comes from my right relationship with him and he gives me the power to make that choice even in the most difficult circumstances. As I trust him with every detail of my life I'm learning the secret of being content in any and every situation.
Take a look at your life. How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times. There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget. In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new. What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?
Living with hope If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.
If you have any questions, I'd love to connect with you to help you on your spiritual journey. Just send me a message.